By Kiana Hershey

We all have expectations for marriage. Most of us aren’t aware of our expectations until we’re disappointed and can’t figure out why. We begin to think, They should have known what they did or didn’t do would cause me to feel hurt or get upset! But the reality is, your fiancé isn’t a mind reader. Let that both relieve you and challenge you! Someone can’t be held to an expectation that hasn’t been expressed or verbalized.

On your next date night, set aside some significant time to talk through the below questions. They’re designed to help you and your fiancé discover what expectations you’re coming into your marriage with and hopefully avoid future conflicts. Hopefully, this will help to bring clarity and connection to you both, while also giving you an opportunity to establish healthy expectations to uphold in your marriage!

1. Faith. Will we have a daily rhythm of spending time with Jesus? If so, during what time of the day and what will that consist of? Do you envision us reading the Bible together or separately? What are your expectations surrounding the husband being the spiritual head of the home and how does that practically play out in the day-to-day? Give examples. Do you desire for us to pray together daily and, if so, when?

2. Intimacy. What expectations do you have surrounding sex? How often do you desire for us to have sex? Are you comfortable initiating? Do you expect initiation to be equal between the two of us? What are you comfortable with and what is out of bounds in our sex life? Do we expect to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time? Will we have a weekly date night? If not, what are your expectations for cultivating intimacy emotionally and physically in our marriage?

3. Boundaries. What are your expectations and boundaries for me regarding friends of the opposite gender? What are the boundaries for our social media, texting/messaging, and communication with people of the opposite gender? What are some ways you want us to guard our eyes and hearts in regard to movies, music, and TV shows that we watch together and separately? What are some emotional boundaries you want to set for yourself and me with friends of the opposite gender?

4. Finances. Do you have any debt or assets you’re bringing into our marriage? What types of expenses do you consider necessities vs. luxuries? Will we have spending limits? Will we keep a budget? How can we practice full financial transparency in our marriage?

5. Family. Do you desire to have a family and kids? What values do you hope to instill and uphold in our family? What are your expectations for the relationship between us and each other’s parents? How often do you expect to be in communication with them? How close or far away from them do you hope to live? How can we both practice leaving and cleaving?