Does God Pick Your Soulmate?

“Soulmate.”

We’ve all heard this term before, but what does it mean? Technically, a dictionary will tell you a “soulmate” is a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond.

That’s a good start, but we need something more practical. For that, I turn to my secret weapon, my 14-year old daughter. Being in the trenches of high school, I consider her an expert when it comes to what is really meant by this term. According to her, “It’s someone that you fall in love with that you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life . . . like you and mom.”

A-ha! She hit on something here vital, “someone . . . you were meant to be with.” I followed up on this special meaning and asked how it all works. To my delight she responded, “It’s meant to happen because God is working behind the scenes to make it happen.”

Out of the mind of a modern-day high school freshman, there comes this concept that I believe resonates with all of us: the notion that there is such a thing as “the one,” a “match made in heaven,” a romantic relationship divinely and specifically prepared for those God has called to a life of marriage.

Regardless of your relational state—single, married, or divorced—there is an important question to be answered: “Is there such a thing as a soulmate?” Did we come up with it or is this something God actually does?

The term soulmate isn’t found in the Bible. But now that we understand what it essentially represents, we find God’s Word speaks to the subject and answers us in two phases.

First, it answers us through God’s character. If one thing is crystal clear from the pages of Scripture, it’s that our God in heaven is, at heart, a loving father towards all who enter into relationship with Him through faith in His Son, Jesus. Don’t take my word for it, take Jesus’ own words on the issue.

In Matthew 6:26-33 (NKJV), we read “The birds of the air . . . neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? . . . do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ . . . your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things . . . seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

If we really believe Jesus here, God loves and cares for us more than we give Him credit for. He is fully and intimately aware of our needs and is committed to faithfully and fully meet them. That’s who God is towards us, according to the eternal Son who knows better than anyone else!

God isn’t on the fence with us, He is for us, He blesses us, and is the One responsible for any blessing we have in life. James leaves no doubt on this point as he tells us, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17 NKJV).

Follow the line of reasoning. If God is a good father who delights in providing for our needs, and if every good blessing ultimately comes from Him, how do these eternal realities relate to the topic at hand? Is God going to overlook a need as significant as our spouse? Isn’t our spouse a blessing that God is responsible for?

The more you think it through, the more you see how God’s very character is connected to this concept of soulmate. If God is who Jesus says He is, then He’s certainly working behind the scenes to provide “the one” for each of us.

This idea of a soulmate is supported by God’s character, but it’s also supported by the relational examples in the Bible. Now, not every marital relationship in God’s Word is exemplary. In fact, some serve as warnings (I’m looking at you Ahab and Jezebel!). But there are those romantic relationships detailed for us that are foundationally instructive . . . especially the first one.

If there was ever a “match made in heaven,” it was Adam and Eve. God could have created Adam completely self-sufficient. Instead, He created Adam, even before he sinned, with a built-in need for a companion. Moreover, God wanted Adam to be aware of his inherent need by revealing the pattern of companionship in the animal kingdom around him.

Man was alone, it wasn’t good, and he couldn’t do anything about it! He was 100% dependent on God to provide that companion who would complete him, and God did. Adam was put to rest, and while he ceased from his own efforts, God created exactly what Adam needed and brought her to him.

A powerful precedent is seen in this foundational relationship: man rests as God works to meet his relational need. This pattern is echoed in the relationships of Isaac and Rebekah, as well as Ruth and Boaz. My daughter’s simple definition for soulmate perfectly aligns with these relationships that God has sanctioned for our learning.

Before we leave this subject, we need to remember that while God’s character assures us that all we need, both materially and emotionally, will be added by Him, it’s equally true that this only happens when we seek Him first (Matthew 6:33).

We cannot leapfrog Him and expect the kind of provision we’ve been talking about.  In fact, when God isn’t the priority He should be, He will likely withhold anything from our lives that might distract us or keep us from Him. Why? Because He loves us too much not to. He wants us to be at rest in Him, to rest in His awareness of what we need, and rest in His faithfulness to meet it.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.—Psalm 37:4 (NKJV)
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